Believe it or not, the picture above can not describe in a more perfect setting how I felt this entire week. (Don't be fooled, the feeling isn't over yet.)It feels as if someone has plucked me swept me away (not in a good, romantic love kind of way) from what I'm familiar with, what I know, my habitation, and stuck me in this ... awkward position, this place I can't get out of, this terrifying height where I just want to run from and go back to where I came from, what I know. But I can't, because I'm stuck there, literally speaking. There's no way out. The wind has to blow and time has to pass before I get knocked off the wire that I'm walking.
The average human being probably digests in a lifetime, what I have digested this past week. The worst part is, it's not over yet. In fact, the worst is yet to come. This is simply the introduction page to an 80 chapter tragic novel. Now I'm not being negative about what's going on in this little novel of mine. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic about life. Every single day is so exciting and new, sometimes mind-blowingly amazing, sometimes not. But the whole point is that life is new, fresh, exciting. It's a roller coaster that we don't necessarily understand, but then again ... I was never interested in "why" things happened. I just wanted to know what happens next. Life's a page turner. And if your life isn't then you're not doing something right. So things haven't exactly turned out to shine in the brightest light. In fact, it's been quite gloomy on this side of the street. BUT, here's what I've realized.
I've prayed my face off, day and night, I could be in the middle of eating my chicken soup, and I just start praying about things. SO many prayers have been answered, that it's almost unfair. I've been shown the light so many times, that I think it's safe to say that Jesus is an occupant of the spare room in my house. He's always been there, no matter what I'm praying about, no matter what's going on, there's always a weird glitch in the plans ... that's totally Him. And what did I do? I abused the privilege of answered prayers that I was receiving. Typical.
Things are VERY much on the fence right now ... on a very, well, broken fence. Everything is 100% unpredictable at this point, so there is no point in making plans, hurrying up, slowing down, doing this or that the right or wrong way, it's just ... live, exist, obey. That's it. For the past two months, a week before I got Walking Phenomena, I noticed things happening that we literally slowing my life down. Now, it's almost at a complete halt. (Almost is an understatement, by the way.) The Lord is REALLY trying to show me something. What it is, I'm not exactly sure. And maybe I won't know his true reason until five years down the road. But I'm pretty sure I know what He's getting at: Stop taking everything for granted. Live the way I want you to live it, not the way you want to live it. Pay attention to the things that don't matter, because then you will realize how much they do. Pay attention to the people in your life, beacuse you will never get them back. Ever. (This, I think, is one of the most important lessons for me.) We are so quick to dismiss everything that happens to us, everything that comes our way. Do we even enjoy things anymore?? It's scary to say it, but really ... think about that.
I'll leave you on that note. Don't be a stick in a wire. And if you are, at least be a branch that can "branch" off to creative, positive, hopeful places. Because nobody want's a friend with a stick up their butt ....
