How I Saw The World ...

Our lives are part of a unique adventure ... Nevertheless, most of us think the world is "normal" and are constantly hunting for something abnormal - like angels or martians. But that is just because we don't realize the world is a mystery. As for myself, I felt completely different. I saw the world as an amazing dream. I was hunting for some kind of explanation of how everything fit together.

Dreams > Facts

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.

Rabbit Hearted Girl

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.
From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrated and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting at the trunk of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, and I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.
                      - The Bell Jar

With all that I was consumed with this past week, I realized that it completely slipped my mind that I had not posted a picture of my much anticipated tattoo, which I finally sat down to get last Sunday. Four months of impatience, two hours of constant pain, and the most amazing tattoo artist to ever hold a gun to her delicate little fingers, resulted in the most beautiful piece of art, forever on my body for display. I love art. Art has consumed and become my life. Art is my motivation, my inspiration, my reason for being, and what I  have become. I am fortunate enough to be able to see art through a completely different set of eyes than the one that are on my face. Not many can appreciate art, especially the abstract kind. It takes a seriously open mind and a beautiful soul to be able to look at a piece of art, and be able to fall in love with something as simple as brush strokes. I was lucky enough to have Amanda Wachob, an incredibly talented young lady with an incredible eye, impeccable skill, and an incredible artist, create this tattoo from me. This is her original art work, in the abstract style of painting that I, myself do and adore. I could not be happier with the eight pieces she painted for me to choose from, and with the ultimate piece that I have chosen to be on my body forever. This. Is. Art. I'm in love with every last stroke of this piece.

Today I feel Ibis, an apricot sort of color that always automatically reminds me of a stork - those mile long legs and matching beak that seem almost silly, but serve incredible functions. I've been running off two hours of sleep today, and feel surprisingly silly and upbeat. Lately I've been delivering advice to friends and been the bearer of news, good and bad. Ironically, like the stork is a delivery man himself. In fact, I see no irony here.

Current Listen: Rabbit Heart - Florence and the Machine (Lungs Mix)

Real.

"What is real?" asked the Rabbit one day ...
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. Thats why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair have been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."



Little did we know, we first learned about love and individuality at the ripe age of seven. If it was easy enough then, what makes it so hard now?

I Am The Sour And I Am The Sweet

I am the longing.
I am the unscratched surface of any potential.
I am the first step waiting to be taken.
I am the smirk that won't wipe off my face,
I am the unquenched thirst.
I am the desire.
I am the patience that is wearing thin.
I  am the end of the rope.
I am the love unspoken for.
I am the dear, but I am the courage.
I am the uncharted waters.
I am the waiting, the waiting, the waiting.
I am the glass half full.
I am the unspoken understanding.
I am the butterfly effect.
I am the arms raised in victory.
I am the hands holding my head in defeat.
I am the moment of clarity.
I am the double take.
I am the words I scribble.
I am the lips unkissed, my hands not held.
I am the lyrics.
I am the melody.
I am the honesty, I am the loyalty.
I am the wonder, the beautiful wonder.
I am the late night talk.
I am the sour and I am the sweet.
I am the most romantic thing I've yet to do.
I am the thoughts uncontrollable.
I am the raised eyebrow.
I am the teardrop tracing the contour of my face.
I am the laughter, the uncensored laughter.
I am the mistakes I've made, I am the lessons I've learned.
I am the success.
I am the ambition.
I am the trembling anticipation.
I am the love I take.
I am the compassion.
I am the focus I always lose.
I am the memories.
I am the stolen breath and skipped heartbeat.
I am the calm.
I am the smile.
I am the freedom.
I am the faith.
I can the logical next step.
I am the places I've seen.
I am the first kiss.
I am the first fight.
I am the shared dreams.
I am the beating of my heart.
I am the comfortable silence
I am the wink.
I am the thought in the back of my mind.
I am the first star I wish on.
I am the relief, the sweet relief.
I am the shadows across my face.
I am the peace.
I am the happiness I am surrounded by.
I am the woman I'm becoming.
I am the little girl I used to be,
I am the whole, but I am the pieces....
                         ... I am the pieces.

We Are A Different Breed

Just a typical friday night with my babes/bros...

We are a different breed of kids.

We have dance parties until 6am, thanks to Joose.
We get our hair cut by our friends, who are also dj's.
We are friends with bands on the radio, and while you think that's "so cool", they're just another friend to us.
We wear a leather jacket with every outfit. Even in the summer.
We put our tattoos in the strangest places.
We don't use "red cups", at parties, we carry around the entire wine bottle.
PBR is better than Yuengling in our book.
Dive bars are a fancy night out.
Our bikes are preferred over our cars, if we even own a car.
We can direct you to the best dive bar/brewery in Brooklyn.
We sleep wherever we end up that night, even on Tuesdays.
Our bros breed their own mustaches.
We don't care what you think about our 1950's inspired outfits, or that someone wore it numerous times, seventy years ago. After all, that shirt only cost us two dollars.
We don't hang out on land, we hang out on rooftops in brooklyn.
We can tell you how to get to any given destination via subway, and some of us don't even live in the city.
Us babes prefer dresses over pants, and our bros borrow the pants from us girls that we don't wear.
We'd rather be aristis/make music than have full time jobs.
We are eclectic enough/have enough creative energy to blow out solar energy if you put us all in one room.

We are alts. And we are proud.

The Notions of Backwards Motions

Vampire, red velvet, bone white, black cat, sequins, parties, gold, hot pink high heels, bubble gum, dance parties, vinyl records, Jim Morrison, Morrisey, California, long hair, bare feet, flowers, laying in a field, hot sunny days, lazy sundays, cereal, peanut butter & jelly, romance, red lipstick, grunge, coco sumner, ripped shorts, tattoos, permanence.

Sometimes, when my mind has been a mess all day/I'm really stressed out/I feel like a really dark color, I like to sit down and write down the first word that comes to mind. Then I write out every single word that immediately pops into my head, even if it doesn't make sense. I like to see where my mind is at that exact moment. It's freeing and puts me back in my original place - exactly who and where I am supposed to be.

Today was a super hectic day. SUPER hectic. I can't remember the last time I let myself get that stressed out over work. There's usually 4 of us on our visual team. Now there's only two. There's too much to do and not enough time to do them. And with two big visits from the district/head of all of Macy's visual merchandising coming, we're a little stressed & stretched.

Today I feel Haematic, a blood color, really dark, not much light able to come in and kind of cloudy, kind of how I felt on this hectic, hectic day. Hopefully a little bit of painting will release all of this cramped up downward energy I have built up. Something tells me this is going to stick around all week.

I have a temp assistant at work. He asked me how to spell something the other day, and I speedily blurted out the correct letters, like I always do as habit when someone asks me how you spell something. He looked at me, half rolling his eyes, half, "what the hell did you just say?". I laughed. "Sorry. I'm a really good speller. Gimme another one!!!" I'm proud to say that I never, ever have to use spell check when writing. And I take pride in that! Today he came in with a list of really hard words for me to spell. One by one, he rattled off words that he didn't even know the meanings of, and his jaw dropped lower & lower with every next word. I got all eleven right, except for one, saxophonist. I guessed just about every vowel except the "o". How majorly disappointing. I can spell hedonistic, but I can't spell saxophonist. This was the start to my terrible day.

Now, I'm home, and back in my element. Time to break out my paints and fade into my little world. I think it's time to switch up and buy some new paint colors, for days like these.

Current Listen: The Notion of Backward Motion - Robot Science

It Takes Twenty Five Years To "Get There"

This picture is the interpretation 

of my life right now.

Where do I find a man that can pluck some flowers from a strangers garden, and then surprise me with them when we're having a bike ride together on an afternoon full of sunshine?

I think it's safe to say that old fashioned romance is as dead as the existence of chivalry in the twenty first century man is. (That's only partially true. I actually met someone who opens doors - including the car door. Something I was convinced was as dead and gone as Britany Spears' singing career.)

I'm realizing more and more how simple I am. How easy I am to please. How little it takes for me to be genuinely happy. Material things don't do it for me anymore. It's thoughts that count. Instead of dropping almost $300 on a dress I loved, I decided to remake one that I currently had. (Which doesn't really count, because remaking clothing is one of my favorite past times EVER.) Such simple things make me happy. I love the way things are progressing. I've morphed into this simple, always positive, kind of girl. It might have taken me twenty five and a half years to get here, but I now know that  this is who I really am. And I have never, ever, in my life, been happier.

On a separate note; my projects are going well and are definitely keeping me more than busy. My art is floating around the world (literally), the NY art project has turned into a collab with a literary project; collaborating with some awesome independent writers to publish pieces. (We like to refer to is as the Lit-Zine") (If you're a writer, contact me!) Music On The Incline is doing INCREDIBLE! We have two artist interviews coming soon ... one being with my most recent favorite musician discovery, Darwin Deez. One of the funniest/most original guys I've met in a long time. I'm piecing the interviews together now and will alert you when they're ready to read!

I promise to keep you posted more often. I've literally had zero free time (I've dedicated myself to too many side projects!). Hope you are all extra busy being fantastic and enjoying every single day!!!

Todays Top Five: Pastel colored tiger print mini dress, Turning complete strangers into awesome new friends, dusty purple polish, Vibrant emerald blue flats named Elvis, and Jam Jar

Current Listen: Take It Off  - Ke$ha. (Yes .... I did just refer you that song.)

Paper Bullets [ART] -New Additions-

We Can Speak Louder Than Bombs

"The Dana"

Quill Spill

Burn Me Like The Sun