A lot has happened in the lat 24 hours. A LOT. Don't worry, I will spend the next 30 minutes of my life telling you all about it. Get ready for the emotional roller coaster, boys and girls.Let's start out with the most important topic. My grams. (By the way, the photo above is her when she was younger. This is my favorite picture in the entire world. She's so beautiful and in her element here.) First off, she is the strongest willed, most beautiful incredible woman I have ever known in my life. I can only be so lucky to say that she is a part of me. It's funny how during these past two and a half weeks, I've noticed where I get all of my silly quirks from, where I get a LOT of things from. I find it pretty incredible that I found out all of these things while she was laying in a hospital bed for the last weeks of her life...
The way she makes a fist, just to be comfortable. She folds her thumb into the palm of her hands, and wraps her fingers around it, making a fist. I do that ALL the time. Especially when I'm driving. I think it's a nervous thing.
The way she makes fun of a bad or negative situation. Lying in her hospital bed, almost a week after her stroke, paralyzed and blind on her right side, practically incoherent, I managed to make her laugh. I would do the same exact thing, even on my death bed. Life's too short ... even when you can see the end. If you don't laugh it all off, you're going to drive yourself insane. Rule of thumb.
The way she packs everything into her drawers!!! Cleaning out her house today, I felt like I was cleaning my own room. I found make up, sewing thread, lottery tickets, vitamins, and jewelry all in the same drawer. I guess now I don't have to beat myself up over why my room is always so unorganized. I blame grams and passing down her terrible organizational skills!
I've realized SO much in the past 2 1/2 weeks, well, three weeks now, that it's almost overwhelming, but in the best way possible. My grams passed away on February 17th, tuesday morning, at 1:05 am. For as long as we saw it coming, it's so strange but it really hasn't actually hit me yet. I guess the next time I go to call her, or wonder if she needs to go food shopping, it will hit me. I am not looking forward to that moment.
Grams has been through one hell of a struggle. I've never seen her fight so hard in my life. She definitely went when she was good and ready to go. You never could tell her what to do! Luckily, she died very peacefully in her sleep. We wouldn't have had it any other way. My grams absolutely LOVED her life. I heard story after story about how wonderful her life was. All she talked about was how great of a life she had. I can only be so lucky to be able to say that one day when I'm 86 years old.
I must say, seeing her after she passed, in her bed in hospice was the hardest thing I think I have ever went through in my life. Even harder because you have to be strong for all the other people in the room, but it just breaks you down. I'm human, sometimes I need to let the river flow.
Since I was a baby, until this day, for twenty four years of my life, grams has been there, I've depended on her, she's depended on me. She's not just "a grandma", we are SO incredibly close, it's unreal. I wouldn't have changed a single thing, not a single moment. So, in thanks to her, I've decided to do a reading at her funeral. Lord help me, I know I'm going to break down when the first two words come out of my mouth. So, in memorandum of grams and her amazing little self for the last 86 years of her life, my sisters and I have decided that on Friday, the night of the funeral, we are going to throw a "Beer and Polka Party". My grams is a serious Polish, and she sure loved her cheap beer (think Shafer and Milwaukee's Best). So we're going to throw a little mini party in her memory. And it will be WAY too much fun...
On a lighter note. I've realized a few things along the way....
1. I have a recent obsession, Twitter. Yea, I'm one of THOSE kids.... (Btw, if you have a Twitter account, my name is Hipsterrr on there....follow me!)
2. I've realized that in search of the perfect man for me I am incredibly attracted to two types of guys. Unfortunately for me, they are two complete OPPOSITE types of guy. I LOVE a guy in a band, or that is musically talented. I don't know why, but I've always been attracted to guys that play music. It's not even that I go out searching for guys that play music, it's just always happened that way. Then, on the other hand, there is nothing more attractive to me (other than the guy who's shredding his guitar) than a man who is an entrepreneur. Now, these are nowhere NEAR in comparison to each other, trust me, I am fully aware. But what I've also realized, is that when I have one, I want the other. Not that I'm hard to please. Maybe I'm the statistic to that saying..."you always want what you can't have." I'll find my peace, eventually.
3. I still love the MGMT song, Kids. I've done a little research on that band, as I do with every new band I encounter and end up loving, and they are some weird dudes. Let's face it, they are a weird duo. If you ever have the time, Youtube MGMT Interviews and take a look. They are ridiculous, in an extremely entertaining kind of way.
4. Everyday, I more and more want to move to Brooklyn, in spite of cars. I hate them. I hate owning them, paying bills that have to do with them, driving them. I hate cars. I want to live in brooklyn where all I need is a bike and a metro card. Please?
5. Family is the most important thing in the world. My mom, my sisters and I have become so much closer (and we were already really close) during this time. It's more fun than anything, really. I love them. Plain and simple.
Sorry for the longest blog ever. I had a lot to get off my mind. Don't act like your not entertained....
RIP Grams
RIP Francois
Oh ... by the way ... Grams' wake is this Thursday at Old Bridge Funeral Home from 6pm-9pm. The funeral is Friday at Holy Cross church in South River at 9am. Come keep me company, and listen to me tell bible stories! :)
Take Care, Kids!
