All hell has broken loose.Today is hands down the worst day of my life. I mean it.
I won't get into the gory details. The easiest way to put it is that my life is falling apart piece by piece. That hardest part is that there is nothing I can do about any of it, I just have to watch it all happen. It would be one thing if they were stupid little things, piling up on top of one another, but it's big, life altering problems, incidents, and situations that only God can handle. All of these things simply can not be handled by one human being. It just can't.
I have never felt so helpless, so unstable in my LIFE. here's a quick recap of what my day has been like:
- Go to work, rush out to get to a doctor appointment that will be the tell-all if I have cervial cancer or not. Kill me now. That in itself was enough stress.
- On my way to the doctor, I get pulled over my a cop who ran my plates, finding out that I has a suspended license for no insurance. Surprise! 21st Century decided to cancel my insurance without notice. Thank you very much for the heads up.
- Car gets impounded. I walk away with two tickets in hand.
- I finally get to the doctor, one hour late, and have the worst experience ever hear bad news, and walk out to no car hysterical the whole way home.
- I can't get back to work, and I had planned to finally see my grandmother, who was rushed to the hospital earlier in the week. I wasn't even allowed IN the hospital because I was the lucky recipient of Walking Phenomena.
- Six hours later of crying, being on the phone with insurance companies the cop that pulled me over, DMV workers, people that tow cars, and my pissed off dad, I now have the biggest headache and the puffiest face/eyes you will ever see in your lifetime.
- One hour later I receive news that my grandmother has a stroke. I swear that if anything happens to her, I won't ever forgive myself. She is still not doing well to this very hour.
In between it all there has been hellish moments, constant prayer, and trying to figure out "why". I swear that each time I take a step off the Lord's path, he reminds me of what hell is like.
I pray that it's true what they say, that the Lord works in mysterious ways, that He doesn't give you anything you can't handle. Everything He does has a purpose, and I really believe that. But I'm ONE human being, I can only handle so much. I'm hanging by a thread here.
I'm going to do like that watermelon, look bright and cheery on the outside, but in reality I'm screaming my head off, crying on the inside.
Sorry for the depressing blog. It's been that kind of day.
