Teenage Mutant Ninja Poodle. Get into it.
Ohhh, you guys are going to love this one ....
I thought February was over. Ok, let me rephrase that. I thought February's brutal attacks/happenings were over. I will never get away from this little black cloud of doom hovering over my congested little head. It's staying put. I bet you twenty bucks.
As you are already aware, I leave for El Salvador on Saturday. So, being that I have been sick for the past ... ohh ... I don't know ... two years of my life (ok, two weeks, but I swear it feels like two years with all of this on again, off again sick stuff.) I decided that I need to go to the doctors today to get some meds and clear up this inner self destructive freak immune system of mine. (Is it possible for your insides to have a nervous breakdown, or perhaps your immune system? Do I even have an immune system anymore??) Get this ....
My name is called in to see the doctor. The nurse comes in, sticks a thermometer under my tongue (which, by the way, she needs to practice because I'm pretty sure she almost pierced my tongue backwards with that thing). She's looking down at the digital box she's holding, but she keeps looking up at me, trying to be all nonchalant about it, but I totally see it. 'I know what you're looking at.', I think to myself. 'She probably thinks I'm high or something.' (My eyes are so, ridiculous red today. I woke up with it, and it never went away. Look in the mirror. Now look at the whites of your eyes. Now imagine them being blood red. Thank you. I am completely aware that I have been a walking freak all day.) 'Gosh, just stop looking at me. This is getting weird.' I think, getting antsy. "101". She speaks. "Degrees??" I asked, realized how stupid that just sounded. "Yea, you have a pretty high fever.", said the nurse, half laughing. "No wonder I felt like I was going to pass out all day. I need a new thermometer.", I said, not sarcastic at all. The nurse proceeds to laugh as if I just told the best Yo Mama joke she's ever heard.
Nurse exits, doctor enters. Now he's looking at me weird. Great. "How are you?" Ok, stop right there. WHY do doctors always ask that? I'm here because I just felt like visiting, totally fine, definitely not sick. I feel great. And how are YOU? Please. Why don't they just ask, "So what brings you here today Miss Pinho?". Because everyone in the room knows that I'm here for a particular reason. Take a stab at it, but I bet you'll guess that I'm not feeling well. The conversation continues, he asks me what's wrong. I tell him. (I'll spare you the details.) He turns around and looks at me weird again. Then he gets real close to my face, and pulls down my eyelids, with no warning. 'Oh, ok. Sure, dive right in, Dr. My eyes are your eyes.' I'm thinking, blinking erratically and pulling away, but trying not to. "Wow .. (long pause) .. that's pink eye." He says, making this face like he just assisted in birthing a baby with 3 arms attached to where his legs are supposed to be. "Shut up." I say without thinking. Oops. "Who gave me pink eye?" I asked him. Why am I asking all of these stupid questions? I blame the 101 fever making me delirious. "Well, you gave it to yourself. Your so congested, that the mucus is ... well ... it's coming out of your eyes." The doctor explains. Well gees, doctor. Why don't you tell me how you really feel? Mucus coming out of my eyes? Does that actually happen, or was he just feeding me false facts because I told him to shut up. I'll take his word for it, he's the doctor.
So, boys and girls. My body has managed to impress me, once again. Never ceases to amaze me. My very own human body has gotten itself so, congested and nasty inside, that it has nowhere else to store mucus, so it sends it to my eyeballs. Great destination place, thank you. So with a 101 fever, homemade Pink Eye, swollen glands, a throbbing head, and a partial ear infection, I'm going to go lay down before my body implodes. Because I'm pretty sure that's the road I'm walking down ...
